Murphy's Laws for Moms

Today, while driving in the car with my 2-year-old, I chose to listen to the radio instead of allowing him to watch "penguins" on the DVD player (a.k.a "Happy Feet" the only movie we have in our car and I've now heard at least a trillion times).  So, while enjoying the break of lyrics which celebrate the penguin heart song, I began singing along to the radio.  I'm not the greatest singer, but I like to think that I have a bit of rhythm and tone in me. My son seemed to think otherwise.  After all, how else do I interpret the fact that - for every song - I was told, No, Mommy.  Stop it.  This my favorite song. Perhaps his favorite songs are "Chillin It" by Cole Swindell, "Neon Lights" by Blake Shelton, and "I  Don't Dance" by Lee Brice.  These are great songs.  However, I seriously doubt that his favorite song is "Hey Bartender" by Lady Antebellum.  If this is my 2-year-old's favorite song, then maybe I ...

I am continually amazed at the thoughts and ideas that come out of my children.  Somewhere, built into their genetic code or flowing through the connectomes of their minds is a level of creativity that astonishes me.  I attempt to keep up with it, but it's impossible and tiring.  I thought I was a creative person, but not compared to my children. My daughter loves animals, specifically birds.  She knows and has first-hand experience of being on a farm and knowing that animals are raised here.  So, in her mind she wants to be a bird farmer when she grows up.  According to her, her younger brother will be managing the chameleons and lizards at this same farm - I've neglected to tell her that some birds eat lizards..maybe that's a lesson for when she's five. This same daughter, while extremely cautious in her own nature, is also extremely curious and has chosen to send her brother down the stairs in a laundry basket in order to test if it truly is the fast...

Payback...that's what I'm living with right now.  My parents are laughing aloud at the antics they see my children (both boy and girl) pull off nearly every day.  My 4-year-old daughter wakes up and declares that she is going to be the mother today.  She dictates to me that I'm going the wrong direction when we're driving home for lunch and she wants to go out to eat.  She yells at me that I did not listen and obey her so now I can't eat any chocolate chip cookies.  My 2-year-old boy takes the initiative to scrub the toilets with my bath towels and, upon finding him and telling him to stop, he declares "No, Mommy! I do it myself."  When I ask that he pick up his toys, he says, "No, you do it."   Yes, payback...that's what I'm living with.  At ages 2 and 4, I was this same level of bossy. This year, the Ban Bossy movement seems to be sweeping the nation as it attempts to ban the word bossy from descriptions targeting girls as they ass...

Life used to be simple.  I'd wake up to my FM radio alarm clock, listen to the weather broadcast and choose my clothes for the day.  Depending on my current job and my daily schedule, I either dressed for business professional, business casual, or jeans Friday dress codes.  But, this was pre-kids. Now, as a primarily stay-at-home mom, my dress code revolves around what's clean or what I can easily get stains out of (it's not a matter of if they will happen but when).  I don't wear white unless I'm in a daring mood, and I don't wear anything that looks really good on me unless I'm planning to be seen in public because the good Lord and Murphy know that my kids will find a way to trash my clothes while trashing their own. So, what do I do when I get an invitation to an event that has a dress code for which I no longer understand?  Here are my translations to current dress codes: White Tie:  Wow!  Mama is going out in style!  I definitely need ...