Murphy's Laws for Moms

Such a simple question.  It's also something that many stay-at-home-mothers don't want you to know because it's not glamorous.  The most common answer I hear from my SAHM friends is, "Nothing."  That doesn't come close to truthfully answering the question.  Because, the truth is the answer is problematic.  To any other person, the truth appears to be wasted time, disorganization, a lack of control, or simply chaos.  By corporate standards, these descriptions are relevant, but not the full truth.  SAHM job descriptions are not your standard roles.  You cannot describe productivity or success in a day.  However, never let it be said that "nothing" was done during a day.  So, to clarify what we mean by "nothing," here's a portion of a day in the life of a SAHM: 6:00 am: Woke up to husband getting ready for work  6:05 am: Husband gets in the shower while toddler comes crying into the bedroom because she didn't quite make it to th...

She's dressed impeccably.  She smells like sunshine.  Her hair looks like the shampoo commercials as it swings to and fro while she's walking with her three children - all of whom are paying perfect attention to her every word.  Her children are also dressed in matching clothes that, as far as I can tell in the afternoon sun, are spotless.  Their hair is styled and they are perfectly accessorized.  She smiles at everyone she passes.  Her phone rings, she answers it, and she carries on a calm and uninterrupted conversation. I watch her as she gets to her car and all of the children immediately climb into the spotless SUV and buckle their seatbelts.  No screaming.  No whining.  She is in control. While the above scenario may seem like it happens on a daily basis.  I can guarantee that it's never happened to me.  In fact, it probably never will.  This is another Mama Law: It's a good day if I've had time to get an uninterrupte...

The lesson was on food and drinks.  The teacher asked the girl, "What do you drink with your lunch?"  The girl's answer, "I'll have some wine." Learning happens in two directions once your children enter school.  The first way this happens is by the child taking in all of the information and experiences that the teacher and school give to them.  The second: the teacher and school taking in all of the information that your child gives to them.  Now, some of this information isn't so bad.  It reaffirms the knowledge that they've learned.  However, sometimes it reaffirms the information that they've absorbed when you didn't know they were absorbing it. My daughter's simple answer to her teacher about having wine with her lunch was, thankfully, laughed off.  No, I don't give her wine.  But, she learned it by recalling all the times that I have ordered wine with my meals or poured my own glass at home.  It's not a major dilemma.  S...

Focus.  I need to finish my shopping (without the kids grabbing any more unneeded items off the shelves), pay, get everything loaded into the car, get the kids home, feed them lunch, clean them up, get them to nap, and then I'll have some quiet time.  These are the thoughts I was having as I was speeding through the grocery store, desperately trying to keep my sanity.  The morning hadn't gone as I planned.  Actually, it started much earlier than morning since I had a newborn who, at five months old was still not sleeping through the night.  I had gotten maybe a total of four hours of sleep, 90 minutes of that being consecutive.  I hadn't gotten a shower, but was at least wearing clean clothes, matching socks, and had remembered to add some deodorant.   All I wanted were the essentials: milk, eggs, bread, coffee, and chocolate.  Only a few more aisles to go! "Mommy, I HAVE BOOBS!!!!!" Suddenly, you could hear a pin drop.  Everyone withi...

She screamed "You're making me very upset!" so loud that it could be heard a mile away.  The person standing across from her wasn't listening to any form of logic.  She just didn't understand.  The frustration and anger was building and building so high that she swore she was going to pop.  Really, how could she not understand the importance of these decisions?  What could she possibly be thinking?  Her priorities were completely wrong and she was going to cause such a huge catastrophe that the Titanic would look tiny.  She kept trying over and over and over again to explain the situation, but it just could not be diffused.  There would be no happy ending to this story. "Fine, Sweet Pea, you can wear your PJs to the store." At last this woman understood the complexity of the situation.  Seriously, why would she think that PJs couldn't be worn to the store?  That's ridiculous!  "Thank you, Mommy, for not upsetting me" she kindly ...